Dear Family! (July 6)

  Happy late Fourth of July! I am so ashamed of myself because I am losing my American side. I literally forgot about it was the 4thof july last Friday until someone else said it at the VC. I didn't even wear red, white and blue! To make it worse all of the other american sisters in the VC remembered and they showed up all decked out in American pride and I felt so ashamed. I love my country and the 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays so I was sad that I forgot to celebrate it. I guess I could blame part of it on the fact that I have an aussie companion but is was mostly my fault. I have just been so consumed by the culture and way of life over here that sometimes I forget to recognize my own culture and heritage. I am grateful to have been born in a country that was founded on the principles of God and that honors religious freedom. I am also grateful to be serving a mission in another country that also honors religious freedom. 

  This week was a really great week for Sister Clarke and I. We taught some really great lessons together and last night as we were reflecting on the work we did we both felt like it was a really productive and powerful week. We were able to accomplish some of the big goals that we set and we have also been able to help people progress in the gospel. Sister Clarke is a really powerful teacher so I enjoy working with her. I think we make a good team which makes the work really fun and exciting. 

  In our ward there is this old lady and we had dinner with her a few weeks ago and she reminded me of someone but I couldn't figure out who it was. Though the course of our conversation she said that she had a sister in Rotorua and I asked her who it was and it turned out to be one of my favorite members down there and that was who she reminded me of. Luckily for me it was Rotorua stake temple week this week and so I got to see a lot of people including this woman's sister. The remarkable part about it though was that these two women came to visit us in the VC they brought a niece of theirs who isn't a member. I was so excited to see this member from Rotorua that I ran over and gave her a big hug and then Sister Clarke gave the member from our ward here a big hug and then we gave them all a brief tour and talked about Jesus Christ. At this point the non-member neice admitted that she is really interested in learning more. She lives in Auckland but we set up a time to teach her the following day at her aunt's house. We went around the next day and had a beautiful lesson with her and the spirit was so strong that I was on the edge of tears the whole time. It has been a while since I cried during a lesson but I couldn't help it at this one point where our investigator was explaining her experience at the VC the previous day and she said "When I walked into the center yesterday I was completely overwhelmed with this amazing feeling. We were only standing in the doorway but I felt like I was surrounded by light and warmth. Then I watched you sisters hug my aunties. Some people can pretend or fake things, but I could see in your eyes that you truly loved these women and then for you to hug them and show them love like that I knew that I wanted whatever it was that you had. I could see the love of my Lord Jesus Christ in your eyes and I want that." I started to cry as she said this because the spirit was so strong and I knew that what she was saying was true. It was a remarkable experience. The next day was Sunday and so they all came to church before the niece had to return to Auckland and she even got up in Sacrament and bore her newly developed testimony and it was so powerful. Sister Clarke and I will continue to teach her over the phone at the VC and then pass her off to the local missionaries when she is able to be baptized! She already said she wants to be baptized so things are looking very bright for her future. 

  Sad news of the week is that Sister Doole was transferred out of the VC. There was a sister that went home so since she was in a trio she was chosen to take that sisters place. She is now in South Auckland which is at the top of out mission and it is highly unlikely that I will get to see her again before I finish my mission and that makes me so sad because she still has a year left on her mission so it will be forever until I see her again. It was hard for her to leave and everyone here really misses her.  But all is well because I know that we will be friends forever.

  That is all from me this week. I am so happy here and I am having the time of my life here. I just wish I could help you all understand how happy I am here and how much fun I am having. I really never want this to end and I never want to leave. I hold to what I said a while ago,all of you need to just move to New Zealand so that I can live here forever. I do love and miss all of you though and I hope that things are going well for you! Have a great week!

Love, 

Sister Simkins

Dear Family! (6/30)

  What a week is all I can say. This week has been one of the most mentally exhausting week of my life but it has also been so rewarding. We have just taught some of the hardest lessons of my mission and it has really caused me to rely on the spirit and be in tune with its gentle whisperings because I there were times that I was at a loss for what to say next. I will never cease to be amazed at how the spirit is able to speak to me and put in my heart and mind the  words I need at the moment I need them. I always know that I am speaking through the spirit when I start teaching things in a way I have never taught them before because each person is so vastly different and to be a good missionary you have to teach them according to their needs and understanding. Usually this is a simple process when following the spirit. This week however I had to really work hard and constantly petition the Lord for guidance. We have some of the toughest but greatest investigators right now. We are teaching a man who recently converted to Islam and who is interested in following the truth no matter what. He is interested in what we have to say and we had a really good lesson with him this week and at the end of it my head hurt but he agreed to read the Book of Mormon so we'll followup with him this week and see what he thought about it. We are also  teaching this family from Thailand that the elders in our ward we teaching previously and believe it or not but they are Buddhist. Teaching them is very interesting because they believe everything we say about Jesus Christ but they believe that they can believe in and worship Jesus and Buddha at the same time. The main concern with this family is the mom speaks Thai but only reads Burmese and there isn't a Burmese copy of The Book of Mormon. We have some ideas of how to work around that to help her gain a testimony of the Book of Mormon and also come to understand that she no longer needs to worship Buddha. To top this all of we have also started teaching this cute young couple from India who belong to this religion that is an off-shoot if Hindu. They are the sweetest couple and we already love them so much. We are hoping to be able to really teach them with the spirit so they can be converted because they would make the best members and the sweetest eternal family. Anyway as you can see we have a wide variety of religious backgrounds for our investigators It makes our life really interesting. 

  Another intense lesson this week happened in the Visitors' Center. We got a call from Elder Hawkins (the VC director) one night when we were getting ready for bed and he told us that a pair fo zone leaders were bringing their investigator into the VC for a lesson the following day and and they wanted one of the senior couples to sit in on a lesson with them. Elder Hawkins said that he told the elders that he has the best teachers serving in the VC and so he volunteered us to teach the lesson. I was already nervous hearing that it was zone leaders and then to know that Elder Hawkins personally recommended us really added to the pressure. The zone leaders arrived prior to the lesson the next day and we talked through the investigators history and then we walked through how the lesson will go. We were going to be teaching the Plan of Salvation and so we decided to start with the Christus narration to set the mood and then build the lesson around that. The investigator arrived and we learned that he is married to a woman who was raised in the church but fell away and now she is coming back too. They both seemed really nice and because we had talked through the lesson I wasn't really that nervous. We played the words of the Savior and the spirit was so strong and we started to teach about our life before we came to earth. Out of nowhere the wife raises her hand and said "I have a question. What does it mean to be translated?" Sister Clarke and I looked at each other and then we looked at the elder stunned. They frantically tried to explain it to her and then she asked another off beat question and we struggled to bring the lesson back. Finally we got control and started teaching again. We taught about the atonement and it was so touching. We then went into the theater and watched "He is Risen" (a video the VC got specially for Easter) and it is the most beautiful and touching portrayal of the atonement and crucifixion that I have ever seen. At the end of the video I was trying to compose myself and not cry when the wife pipes up and says "Well that's just a different version of the same old movie!" It's like she was trying to put down out movie or something and that chased the spirit away a bit. We went back into the other room to finish the lesson and this is where things really fell apart. We were teaching about the three kingdoms of Glory and she goes off again asking questions about translated beings and when are they resurrected and when do they stand judgement and all of this nonsense. It was just ridiculous. Throughout all of this I tried to keep connecting what was being said back to the needs of the investigator and he seemed to be understanding the basic things that we wanted him to understand. The moment in the lesson where I almost lost it was when I was teaching about the celestial kingdom and she said "Um can you please explain for me the three levels within the celestial kingdom?" I didn't even know what to say and I looked at Sister Clarke I knew that she was starting to get frustrated too. I then realized that if I fully let myself get frustrated then I would chase the spirit away and no longer be able to feel it and then I would fail because I was only making it through this lesson by relying 100% on the spirit. I took a deep breath and started to talk and I simply explained that that is something we don't know much about except that to attain the highest degree we have to be sealed in the temple. I didn't go any further than that and she seemed satisfied so we moved on. After that she tried to explain to her husband about outer darkness and all this other useless stuff and he just seemed so overwhelmed. The elders and us bore out testimonies finally to end the lesson and then we said a closing prayer and it was finally over. Sister Clarke and I both thought that the lesson was a complete disaster and we felt so bad for the elders and Elder Hawkins because we thought we had let them down. Right before they left one of the elders came up and shook my hand and said "That was a mean lesson! You are great teachers. We'll bring them back again soon." It made me feel a little bit better that the zone leaders were happy but I still felt like a failure. The next day we explained the whole situation to Elder Hawkins and he explained that we handled it perfectly and he said he was proud of us.  We later found out that they had come in to the VC before and had a tour with Sister Doole and Sister Swindler and they both said that it was the worst tour/lesson of their entire mission because of the wife and her comments and questions. After hearing that I felt so much better that it wasn't me who ruined the lesson and that it really went as good as it could go. We had another fireside last night and the zone leaders were there and they again came up and shook my hand and thanked me again for that lesson and Elder Hawkins said that he talked to them as well and asked them what they thought about it all and he said they couldn't have been more complimentary. That was probably the hardest lesson I have ever taught because I had to use all of my missionary skills just to keep the spirit there. I learned a lot from it though and I was so relived to know that we really didn't ruin it. 

  Miracle for the week! (The best part!!!!!!) Friday was Sister Clarke's 23rd birthday so of course we celebrated and had a great time. We went into town for sushi because it's her favorite and she mentioned that before we head back to the VC, she wanted to go to this american candy store. It sounded like fun to me because I miss american candy. After our sushi we walked down to this store and it was so much fun to see all of this candy that I love and haven't been able to have for over a year. They had fun dip and m&m's and reeses and butterfingers and all the good stuff. I had not idea what I was going to buy when I turned around and saw on the shelf at the opposite end of the store the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. Can you guess what it was? It was a jar of DILL PICKLES!!!!!!!!! I am sure you can imagine my excitement. I bought them and they have brought me constant joy ever since. I am so happy to have dill pickles in the fridge now that I get happy every time I open it and look inside. It's funny to me how much my love for them have intensified during my long break from them. At home I was picky and I didn't really care much for the Vlasic brand but that was the only kind they had here and they are so delicious. I believe this was a tender mercy from the Lord! 

  Well that was my week. It was a really good one and I am still loving my time as a missionary. Tomorrow it the birthday of the New Zealand Hamilton Mission and I feel so blessed that I have been able to see the birth and growth of an entirely new mission. It has been such an adventure. When the mission started last year we had 123 missionaries. 100 elders and 23 sisters. Now our mission has a total of 235 missionaries. 150 Elders and 85 Sisters. It is remarkable! This has been the greatest adventure and I can't wait to see what more the future has in store.  

Love, 

Sister Simkins

Dear Family! (June 22)

 I am happy to announce that I have felt better this week than I have in two months. I am so relieved and positive where all these health problems are concerned. Things are improving and I am so excited about it. Life is good. The only down side to my life right now is the fact that time is moving too fast and it won't slow down!

  We had a pretty good week this week. I love the area that I am in now and I love the ward. Our Bishop reminds me a lot of Bishop Carter. I really like him a lot. He is so loving and kind and every time he talks or does something you can just feel the love that he has for everyone. This ward just has such a good feeling in it and it reminds me of being at home. There is a lot of potential in this area as well and we are teaching a lot of great people. We are hoping to have a baptism soon with this investigator named Ofa. She is from Samoa and she lives with her Aunt and Uncle who are members. The only problem is that her parents are Methodist ministers living in California and so she is waiting for them to give their approval or decide to do it anyway. She is in her twenties so we really don't need permission she just doesn't know if she wants to go against them. We told her to pray about it and so hopefully things will work out soon. As always prayers are appreciated. I am just so happy here in this area and I love Sister Clarke. She is so sweet and we have the same taste in movies and so we quote movies all the time and laugh. It's great. She is twenty-three and before her mission she worked for theater companies sewing costumes so I love hearing her stories about that and looking at pictures. I am always blessed with the best companions!

   I have felt at home a lot lately and that has been really nice. Sister Clarke's mom is Maori from Hamilton and so she has a lot of extended family around here. On Saturday her grandparents came in with her aunt and we gave them a tour and it was the sweetest thing. They are quite old but they still have a great sense of humor and so I really enjoyed getting to know them. Yesterday our dinner appointment cancelled because someone in their family is in the Hospital (which I think that is a pretty valid reason to cancel) but we were disappointed because Sundays without a dinner appointment are pretty depressing. Sister Clarke decided to call this lady in our ward who is her mom's first cousin. She graciously agreed to feed us and so we went to her house for dinner. When we got there she announced that she had invited Sister Clarke's Uncle and Aunt to come over as well and so she got to see them for the first time in a couple of years. They all were so sweet and they welcomed me in and made me feel like I was a part of the family. It was a lovely evening. 

  We had another great fireside at the VC last night. It was a choir from one of the local wards and they were amazing. I have never heard a ward choir sound so great. I tell you the Polynesian people are so naturally musically talented that it's not even fair. At the end of the fireside I was standing by the door ushering people out and saying goodbye when this cute little old woman walked up to me and said "Sweetie, I just wanted to tell you that you look like one of those girls off of that Frozen movie. My granddaughters love that movie so of course I have watched it a few times. I just had to tell you that." I laughed and told her thank you assuming it was a compliment but because I haven't seen the movie or even the advertisements, I have no idea what the characters even look like so I hope it was a compliment. 

   I love being back in the VC because there are just so many miracles here. The other night it was really slow and so Sister Clarke and I were watching some of the videos here and talking about them when Sister Hawkins walked up to us and said "A member is here with her non-member friend. It's a good one so good luck." After that we went and had an amazing lesson about the Plan of Salvation with this man in the Christus room. When we taught him that life didn't begin at birth and that it won't end at death he said "Well I have always believed that I just couldn't find a religion that believe it too." It was so cool. As the lesson was winding down and it was getting close to the VC closing I had this feeling that we needed something more. I knew we needed to watch a video but I had no idea which one. I prayed in my heart and I then got the impression that we needed to show him President Uchtdorf's special witness of Christ. The only problem is that I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was about. I knew that it would testify of the Savior but we have videos from all the apostles testifying of Christ and some talk about temples, others missionary work and so on and I couldn't remember what President Uchdorf's was about. But I decided to listen to the prompting and we walked over to watch the video. As we walked I was praying so hard asking if this was what was right to share. Even after I selected the video and sat down to watch it I was praying. I felt a peace the whole time though. When the video started and as we watched it I realized that this was the perfect video and it was exactly what he needed to see. It reaffirmed everything that we had taught him and it added more and the spirit was so strong. Here is the link to the video if you want to watch it too: https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/jesus-christ-lives-today?lang=eng

 

   After the video we talked a bit more and then I bore my testimony of the things that we taught and then I looked at Sister Clarke and she smiled at me and I nodded and then she invited him to be baptized and he said YES! Right then and there he agreed to be baptized. It was amazing. We passed him off to the elders in the area that he lives in and now they are teaching him. Miracles!

  So that's it for this week. It has been a great week but I know it's just going to get better. I love and miss all of you! Have a great week! 

Love, 

Sister Simkins

Dear Family!

  

  I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I can't just have a normal week here in New Zealand anymore. I actually think that I have forgotten what a normal week feels like. Being normal is boring though so I am grateful for the adventures that we got to have this week. Let me just say again that I love the Visitors' Center. I love the directors, the senior couples, and the other missionaries that I get to serve with. Everyday is just so much fun. I also love that I get to serve around some of my very best friends. I was thinking about this last night that I never  expected to make such great friends during my mission. I guess I just didn't realize how deep the bonds are when they are formed during serving Heavenly Father. It is almost like you get to know each other on a deeper level because you are focusing on something so much more important than the other things of the world. Everyday I thank my Heavenly Father for the great friends that I have found in my mission. It seems that a day doesn't go by that I am not grateful for these new relationships. Yesterday was my 13th month mark and Sister Swindler, Sister Whiting and I were talking about it and talking about how we met each other 13 months ago and we couldn't believe how close we all became and how close we still are. I know that the friendships that I have gained from my mission is just another tender mercy from the Lord and I am forever grateful for it. 

   Being back in Hamilton this week and experiencing the weather took me right back to the beginning of my mission. We walked out of the flat one morning and the fog just hit me in the face and it really felt like I was back in my first area with my trainer. It's funny to me how things like the weather can trigger different memories. It's weird to be back at this time because in some ways I feel just like I did a year ago when I was starting. I have to remind myself that I have actually served other places. Some things never change though and one of those things is the fact that no matter what I do the fog always ruins my hair. It's one of those inevitable facts of life that I am still coming to terms with. I almost miss good old dry New Mexico.

   On Friday I had another lovely doctors appointment but this time I had to have an MRI and it was quite the experience. For starters I had to drink three of these huge containers of this nasty berry syrup sulphate stuff. It was so disgusting and I had to drink so much of it that I literally had to pray for the strength not the throw it back up. We stayed the night before in Auckland with some sisters and they came with us to the MRI appointment so Sister Clarke wouldn't be alone and they were so sweet because every time I thought I couldn't drink anymore they kept encouraging me. It made a bad experience a little bit better. At the radiology office where I was having the MRI done, the women helping me were so nice. They were so sweet and they really helped me feel comfortable. I knew I was a bit claustrophobic, but I had no idea just how bad it was until I looked at the MRI machine and realized that I was going to go in there. The radiologists noticed my hesitation and they asked me if I was okay and I told them I wasn't and they assured me that I would be fine. They told me that they would put one of those sleep masks over my eyes so that I wouldn't even realize where I was. After I layed down they put told me to put my arms down at my side and then they put a blanket over me and then strapped my arms down so that I wouldn't move and mess up the sensors they placed on my abdomen. I tried moving my arms and I couldn't and I started to panic inside and then I just told myself that I was cold and keeping my arms in the blanket so that I would get warmer. I seriously tried to convince myself that I didn't want to move my arms and somehow this worked and I prevented myself from freaking out. After this they asked me what radio station I like to listen to because the machine is really loud and they wanted to make the experience more enjoyable. I got all nervous again inside because I didn't know what to say so I asked them if they had any classical or instrumental music and they said that they did so that was another blessing. Once I could tell that I was in the MRI machine and the sounds started to go I just concentrated on the music. After a few minutes the radiologist started talking to me through the headphones and there were times throughout the MRI that I would have to hold my breath for what felt like forever so they could get a clear picture. It was really hard but I tried not to think about it too much. Halfway through the MRI they put an IV in my arm to inject this dye stuff and that just made me dizzy. It was quite the experience. I was so happy when it was all over and I could just leave and go home. 

  Last night there was the cutest fireside at the VC. It was called "Love Stories from New Zealand" and what they did was they found a few love stories from the church history museum here and then they had YSA read them and in between they had this Hawaiian quartet perform some love songs. It was a really fun evening and the whole purpose was to get people into the visitors' center and also show the community that we are just normal people. The whole thing was a huge success! Things like this make serving in the VC extra special. A lot of the love stories were really funny because of the culture of the people here. One in particular was of this man who met this woman soon after completing his mission and he knew instantly that he was going to marry her and so he went around telling everyone that they were engaged when this poor girl had no idea and had barely even met this man. This made her really mad and for a period of time she refused to talk to him. In the end he convinced her to go on a date with him and they fell in love and were engaged for real and then later married in the temple. The other sisters and I were laughing after the fireside though because they said the same thing and that this fireside wasn't helping with the fact that they want to get married. 

  That's about it here in New Zealand. I hope you all know that I am having the time of my life down here and that I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I do love and miss all of you though! Have a great week!

Love, 

Sister Simkins

Dear Family!

Ch ch ch changes! We had transfers this week and surprise surprise I have returned home to the Visitors' Center. I had a feeling I was going back there and I was right. I am so happy to be back and I really like the direction things are moving under the new director. It is different there without the McLachlans and the other senior couples that I knew but things are still good and I forgot just how much I loved it there.

   For the first time since I was being trained I am not training and I am loving life. My companion's name is Sister Clarke and she is from Perth Australia so I have my first aussie companion. Maybe now i will develop an accent :) She's really fun and she is a vegetarian so we eat really healthy and I need that. But it is so nice to be in a new area and not have to figure things out because she already knows everything. I also love that she knows what to do and how to teach without me having to teach her and explain things to her. I have already learned so much from her and I can tell that we are going to have a really successful transfer. If loving my companion wasn't great enough, guess who's in the VC with me... Sister Whiting and Sister Swindler and... SISTER DOOLE!!!! Almost all of my favorite sisters are in the VC with me and to top it off my area touches Sister Gunnell's area and our wards meet in the same building so I get to see her quite often as well. I tell you things really couldn't get much better. I just wish Sister Vasi were here and then things would be perfect. 

 Funny story about Sister Vasi. So we pretty much knew that I was getting transferred because I was sick and so we assumed she would stay. Two weeks before transfers we had to move flats and so we packed up all of our stuff and moved. I pretty much stayed packed for the next two weeks because I knew I was getting transferred. Sister Vasi slowly unpacked some of her stuff but she kept saying "I'm not going to unpack until after e get transfer news." Well we got the call Monday night that I was getting transferred because I had a doctors appointment in Hamilton Tuesday afternoon and so they told me to just pack my stuff and then stay in Hamilton until Thursday. They also said that Sister Vasi would be staying and they told her who her companion would be. That night I completely packed my stuff and she completely unpacked all of her stuff. Tuesday night we were in Hamilton and I got a call from President Rudd asking me all these questions about our area. About an hour later we got a call from the Assistants saying that there had been some changes to the transfer plans and now Sister Vasi was getting transferred too and so we had to drive home Wednesday, she had to re-pack all of her stuff, and then drive back the three hours to Hamilton. It was a bit ridiculous and she was pretty sad that she was moving but we know that the Lord works in mysterious ways so I'm anxious to see what happens with her in her new area. 

  I really love the ward that I am serving in and I am so excited to spend the next six weeks here. The ward is really missionary minded and it's nice to be in a big ward again. The members here seem really sweet. I was thinking the other day that I only have three and a half transfers left so this could very well be my last area and that thought really freaks me out. President told me that I would finish in the VC and so I am now back here to finish my mission. I can't believe just how fast time is moving. Thursday, the day we had transfers and the day I went back to the VC, was the day we landed in New Zealand the year before. I thought it was so poetic that I would go back to the VC that day and that Sister Swindler and Sister Whiting would go back too because the three of us started everything together. On Saturday Sister Rudd walked over the VC to talk to me about somethings and she walked in and the three of us were standing there talking and she smiled and said how excited she was to have all of us back there. She said "My friends are back!" It is just so nice to be in an environment where I know that I am loved and that helps me forget about the other challenges that I am facing. I feel just so renewed and ready to take on this transfer because I know that it is going to be a good one!

  Well that is all I have for this week! I love and miss you all! 

Love, 

Sister Simkins

 

 

 

"I am the Gardener here"

 I want you to watch this mormon message if you can before you read my letter from this week because this perfectly describes the spiritual lessons I learned this week. I still remember when Elder Christofferson gave this talk in General Conference and I thought I know what it meant then but I realized this week that I still have much to learn about Heavenly Father and the love that He has for me as His daughter.

 

https://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages#the-will-of-god

 

  This week I had to finally put everything in Heavenly Father's hands and have faith that He knows best. All of my life I have dreamed of serving a mission. I have always wanted to be a missionary. Then I was given the opportunity to be a part of the hastening of the work and serve starting at age nineteen. On top of all that I was called to serve in the most beautiful and wonderful part of the world; somewhere that I dreamed of serving. I can honestly say that my mission has been a dream come true and I have loved every minute of it. Often throughout a normal day here I will just look around and ask myself how I got this luck? What did I ever do to deserve this amazing experience? On Thursday we had a unique Zone Conference. President Rudd wanted all of us to experience some of the Maori culture and so we had met on a marae and had maori speakers from all over the country come talk to us about the culture and how it is linked to the gospel of Jesus Christ. We also heard many inspiring stories about missionaries that served here many years ago. Again I sat in my seat and felt inspired by to opportunity I have to be a missionary at this time. It was during this conference though that I was faced with the reality that my mission in New Zealand could be coming to a close. My health isn't declining but it isn't improving either. I had to stop and ask myself if by forcing myself to stay out here if I was fighting against God. I couldn't however understand why He would ask me to leave this country and my mission. Wasn't I here to serve Him? Wasn't I doing His work? Why then was 

​I

 struggling and why did it look like my mission was coming to a close? I finally cam

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 to understand that if Heavenly Father really wanted to test my faith He would ask me to come home. I knew that coming home would be a big challenge for me and that it would require me to really lean on Him. I have had to do a lot of fasting and praying the last couple of days and a miraculous thing has happened. I finally was able to bend my will to the will of God. I have been able to let go of everything that I want and really put it all in His hands and trust Him. I know that Heavenly Father loves me enough to cut me down so that I can grow into what He wants me to be. I have prayed and asked Heavenly Father if He really does want me to come home and I still don't have an answer. I don't feel like I am meant to stay or go at this point so I am just moving forward. I have decided to stay as long as I can and enjoy every minute of it but I know that should my condition decline that I will have to come home to get better and I am okay with that now. I know that Heavenly Father just wants me to reach my full potential and so if I have to end my service here in New Zealand early to do that then I will be okay. I can't describe to you the spirit of peace and comfort that I feel as I think about the future and what may happen. I have decided to enjoy whatever time I may have left here whether it be six months or less and not worry about anything else.

 

  sorry it's a short one this week but I don't have much else to say. Just know that I have a strong testimony of the work that I am doing out here and I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to serve. I love and miss all of you! Have a good week!

 

Love,

Sister Simkins

Dear Family,

This week has been one of the most utterly frustrating and faith promoting week of my life. I have had a few tests done and unfortunately they haven't been able to find anything wrong. The medical system here is not as advanced as it is in the US and so there are some challenges. I am pretty sure I know what's wrong and everyone that I talk to and describe my symptoms to says the same thing and that is that the problem is my gall bladder. The problem with this though that here in New Zealand the only way that they can diagnose gall bladder problems is if they find gallstones through an ultrasound. I had an ultrasound last Thursday and they didn't find any gall stones so according to the doctors here there isn't anything wrong with my gall bladder. President and Sister Rudd have been trying to set up a hydascan for me because that is what they use in the states to diagnose gall bladder problems. Well come to find out that test isn't available here. Talk about frustrating! 

  

  Last Tuesday we left the mission boundaries to go to a gerontologist in Auckland. I felt so rebellious because I never imagine I would leave the boundaries of the mission. The doctor I saw was really nice and after doing a brief evaluation he set me up to have some tests done. He ordered an ultrasound and an endoscopy. I had the ultrasounds done on Thursday morning in Hamilton and then the endoscopy done Friday morning in Auckland. Sister Vasi and I have done so much driving around this country that it's not even funny. 

   They didn't find anything in my ultrasound so they went ahead and did a endoscopy and that is where the put me under and then stuck a camera down my throat to look at my insides. It was so weird because the doctor put an IV in my arm and then he said that he was inserting the medicine and that it would make me sleepy and out of it. He said "You may not go all the way to sleep but this will help you not feel anything from the procedure." Immediately after he finished talking I felt like I was in a cloud. It was that awful feeling that I hated so much after my knee surgery. It was awful. To make it worse I did wake up a few times throughout the procedure and although it didn't hurt it was really uncomfortable because I could feel this thing being shoved in my throat and I could feel something moving in the pit of my stomach. After the procedure they took me into another room to sleep off the rest of the medication. While I was still recovering the doctor came in and talked to me but I was still so out of it that I hardly remember what he said. I do remember him saying that he didn't find anything so he said that my "stomach was just spasming and that there wasn't anything wrong with me." I asked him if he checked my gall bladder and he said "No because nothing came up on the ultrasound so I didn't need to check it." He talked to Sister Vasi who was waiting in another room and he told her pretty much the same thing. As a last effort to figure out what's wrong with me, he ordered some kind of special lower abdomen MRI but the earliest I can have it done is the 13th of June. So pretty much I was just told that nothing is wrong with me and that there isn't anything they can do to help me. I left Auckland feeling so defeated and devastated. I thought this meant that I would have to come home because I knew that I couldn't go on living the way I was for another six months. I then talked to Sister Rudd who was just as upset as I was and she said that Mom had suggested I get a blessing from President Rudd so we drove to the mission office and I asked him for a blessing. 

  

   President Rudd is so amazing and I am so grateful that he is my mission president. I know that he was meant to be my mission President because he reminds me so much of Dad. They have a very similar way of thinking, their sense of humor is pretty similar and they also have some of the same mannerisms so I feel very comfortable talking to him because it reminds me so much of talking with Dad. I really love him. Anyway he was very gracious and he gave me a really special blessing. One line from the blessing said "I wish to heal you at this time through the power of the priesthood, but that is not the will of your Father in Heaven at this time. But He wants you to be aware that He knows what you are going through and He loves you." President said a lot of other really great things and I was filled with such comfort. After the blessing he turned to me and said "I know we're not out of the woods with this. I know you are still going to have a lot of problems but I don't feel like this is life threatening. You'll be fine for now. We'll move forward with more tests but I don't think you need to be worried." After the blessing all of the feelings of despair that I was feeling were gone and I was no longer worried about the future. The spirit filled me with such peace and comfort. I cannot even explain the feelings that I had. I just knew for the first time in a while that things were going to be okay. And so far they have been. I am still sick but I have been blessed to have the strength I need to do the work. I am no longer exhausted all the time! It is a miracle because we can work almost like normal. President told me to make sure that I rest and take care of myself and so I am but I haven't even had to rest that much. I just know that I could do this for another six months. This whole situation reminds me of the story in Mosiah 24 of Alma and his people when they were being persecuted. 

"9 For Amulon knew Alma, that he had been one of the king’s priests, and... he exercised authority over them, and put tasks upon them, and put task-masters over them.

 10 And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.

 11 And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he put guards over them to watch them, that whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death.

 12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

 13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

 14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as

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witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, 
the Lord did

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strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

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I really love this story because Heavenly Father didn't take away their afflictions, He just gave them the strength endure. I know that that is what He is doing with me. He isn't going to remove this from me, but He is blessing me with the strength I need to get through it and still be a successful missionary. 

 ​I am so grateful to me a missionary at this time and I am grateful for all of the prayers on my behalf. I know that Heavenly Father is blessing me because of it. I love and miss all of you! Have a great week!

Love, 

Sister Simkins​